An Escape

“If I was to leave I would want it in the most peaceful ways. Perhaps in the arms of an angel where I could sleep on its wings, the feathers a soft warm pillow. To be away from any pain and heartache that at the moment I do not understand. What an escape to be able to breathe with Gods approval and the ability to feel as though you are flying. Oh to be in that sweet escape. To be lifted from every grief and sadness that has been able to seep into your bones. What a relief to breathe. To feel that weight off your chest as you sink into the world’s oblvion that you did not know you had. How I wish that escape was there for me every time I felt as though my bones had wilted and my heart been sucked, greedily I might add, from the worlds hands that I had not control over. The escape that I so often dreamed of in my sleep where I have nodded off a thousand times and more. God bring me that sweet escape so I can once more lay my head down in peace and no longer be disappointed by the misfits that have now walked along your grounds unfit for me at all.”

How Do I…

Okay so I wrote this song this morning. It just came to me naturally and I think it’s a pretty good song. Sometimes loosing someone you love, in any form, is hard. That pain in your chest feels like a rock not wanting to let loose and then you want to curl up back into your hole and just say, “Fuck it.”

 ”Secrets kept promises break/Everything hurts I can’t escape/The tears I have cried have melted away/But the feeling I had burns and stays/Is this my destiny?/Did God plan all this for me/What do I do? Stay or go?/I wish you would tell me I wish I had known/How do I tell you it’s not okay!/How do I tell you don’t walk away!/ How did we let the fire die/How do you say I love you long time/ How do I keep up the charade/ I’m losing my mind I’m sick of this game/ Everyone said you were not right/I think of those words I stay up all night/Is this my destiny?/ Did God plan all this for me?/ What do I do? Stay or go?/ I wish you would tell me I wish I had known/ How do I tell you it’s not okay!/ How do I tell you don’t walk away!/ How did we let the fire die/ How do you say I love you long time/I want to hear a sweet goodbye/ My heart already torn up and lost it’s time/ The fake wake up calls/ Are driving me up a wall/ The pain I feel so thick and sweet/ Is really killing me/ How do I tell you don’t say goodbye!/ How do I say you let it die! (pause) How do I tell you it’s not okay!/ How do I tell you don’t walk away!/ How did we let the fire die!/ How do I say I love you long time!”

The Distance

This one I spent all night writing after crying my eyes out. After rereading the poem it says exactly what I meant to say yet couldn’t because I was still unsure of what I wanted…of what I felt. I was hurting unlike never before over the love of my life. And all I could do was think about all the good times we had. My favorite memory being the one where he took me hiking and we laid under a tree and just held each other. This new distance permits us from even seeing each other as often as we used to and I have come to believe that this is a new task for the both of us. The question being for who is the task greatest for?

“All I see is a distance shining in you eyes. Within that distance is time. Time we never really got to have. Miles away I never imagined that would be placed between us for a long time. The day when you must leave. In what started as a petty argument becomes a raging war. One I’m sure neither one of us could have imagined. One I never thought that would have reduced me to tears. Everyday and night the memory of us together out of the few times we had floats across my mind and that is what is able to keep me smiling. And suddenly the painful fights from before don’t matter. The cold words that were exchanged are gone. Until I am then forced into reality…a reality where you are no longer by my side. The one whose touch, voice, and smell all gave me comfort. The one who still makes me feel complete. I wish, if possible, that someone would have given me instructions to what the distance had in store for us. Wish someone would have forewarned me of the troubles it would cause. Maybe then I could have avoided them. Maybe not. But within this distance was I able to find me. Through the hard times, my tears, my loneliness, my already fragile heart….I was then able to look into the mirror and find me again. Find who I was. The Distance was a test and within this distance I was able to find my limits. Question is did I sadly find yours?” 

-Zara

So that’s all I have for today. In a weird way this came out more as a letter than a poem. It came out more as what I was feeling without really needing to say what I felt. I know that I needed to write. Needed for once say without really saying. And with this poem I was finally able to do so.

Write Me A Poem

Ah so this took me weeks to get right and well I like the final product. I was waiting on my friend to proofread it and help me but they never did so that’s why it took me so long to go through with this one but here it is:

“Supply me with a rundown rhyme

with no words, restricted time

which lips are given no movement

and vocal chords no rubric

like a puzzle figure it out

in the darkness all around

reveal to me the clues I have provided

but alas they all lay divided

riddles with unseen ends

and words given untold bends

tell me a rhyme and I’ll let you go

without any words or time that flows.”

 

Forget Who I Am

So this is a song that is a work in progress but since I haven’t really worked on it of late I thought I should just post what I have so far:

“In the dark I thought I was whole/but so far all I see are in colors so dull/ it hurts my beating heart/which drums slowly in the dark/I thought I knew who I was/but so far I’m full of duds/So I take a walk to beat/all the things killing me/ I forget who I am and I fall to the ground/ My knees feel weak and I can’t get back out/I’m all alone and there’s nobody else/I forget who I am and I can’t get back out/Two days have I been stuck/The noises loud and it just sucks/All I feel is painful screams/Can somebody wake me from this dream/Here they’ve left me to rot/So I stay in this cold pot/I forget who I am and I fall to the ground/My knees feel weak and I can’t get back out/I’m all alone and there’s nobody else/I forget who I am and I can’t get back out.”

Question a Life

So…well this poem is kind of…deep…that’s all I really have. So here is Question a Life:

“All I feel is emptiness. A vast coldness that makes me shiver. I have no emotions. How to love, how to feel, how to taste…I no longer even have a name to myself. My heart torn and shattered and ripped into a thousand tiny pieces which now float on the vast existence of my memory. There once was a bright light which filled me with joy. Now there is nothing as I am cold and emotionless. Sleep my only escape. And then it makes me question life. What, then, is the value in it? I laugh as everyone tells me that it’s a selfish though. So what if it is? What point, then, is my existence when I no longer have a being. All I am is an empty shell. I don’t truly exist. But if I am to remain on this earth then I see it to be so much easier and safer to lock who I am away from hungry eyes. If I am to stay then I will now look upon you with new eyes. Cold, hard, emotionless eyes…because I know the answer even when I still do question life.”

Who are you?

Honestly I sort of blanked out when I wrote this poem yet I do hope that it is good. I like it because it questions myself in a way but here it is:

“If I am a fool then who are you? The brave hero who has come to set me free? How I laugh at your misery. Yes I may be the fool but you…you are no hero. You are a man who has lost his soul to the cold whispers acquainted with death and cannot find his way back. You are the one pretending to play a role which you cannot fulfill because it is not truly who you are. You are the one who cannot admit to wrong when all you have done is hide away in the shadows cheating upon yourself because there is no one foolish enough to fall for your act. You are weak, you are soulless, and you are the man I look upon with shame as you play this game. A game so you can run away and hide in your filth and disgust. Yes I am and the fool but you? Who are you?”

Raining Mystery

“If I walk through the rain will it wash away my tears? Will the words I have spoken whisper across my path and disappear into the fog? The fog now coating my surroundings like a thick blanket. The rain burning and melting my skin away to where only my bones lay. My bones with engraved hyrogliphics that nobody, even I, can decode and forever reamin a mystery to my undoing.”

 

Stranger in the Night

Again this isn’t mine although I really do love this work of art. It gets you thinking and puts you in a state if awe once you’ve finished it. It also happens to be a friend of mines work so no copyrighting or else:

“At once I was awoken to the frightful dier motion, that someone had come to take me by suprise.

My hand reached for the handle of my pistol by the candle, but woe it was not there I soon surmised.

As I turned and saw the stranger, I knew I was in danger, for he held the pistol I once had laid beside.

‘You knew that I was coming why hap’s did you not run? I’da thought you’d have the common sense to hide.’

The man spoke sure and bold, and of course how was he to know, I slept with a short twelve gauge by my side.

Not a word from my mouth spoke, as I stifled back a choke, this man truly felt that he had changed the tide.

He pulled the hammer back, there was heard a mighty crack, but in the end I was not the one who had bled and died.

And as the new sun bright arose, a new tale unwrapped a fold, where I’ll ride until I find the day I die.”
-Saint

Void of Emotions

This is slightly what my emotions used to be before I slightly got ahold of myself and focused ona lot more positive things in life:

“Emotions void as I write. Where, then, have they gone? The emptiness filling my chest full of poison pumping through my viens. The thick chords tinted blue from devoided happiness that once mended frazzled heart. When then can that sanctity be replaced? Given back? The answer is never. And forever will I be forced to remain in this neverensing rollercoaster of misery.”